The Loneliness

I’ve had such an outpouring of love from my post on Facebook about depression. People are telling me that I’ve inspired them. That my post was what they needed to see. But what you guys don’t understand is that post is what I was feeling. I never expected to get the love and gratitude I did from that post.

My only goal in life has always been to help people. Whether it be to help them see their worth and let them know they aren’t alone or to let them know they are beautifully made just the way they are and they have nothing to be ashamed of.

However, what I have gotten was so much more than that. I’ve had people reaching out to me to tell me that they are alone in this, and that they have no one to talk to. Depression makes you feel lonely anyway, but not being able to really share it with someone else can be completely debilitating. People need to talk and be heard when they talk. It’s beginning to make my mind swirl, why are we in a position that we feel that we are so alone? Why are we not talking to our loved ones? Why are we not talking to our friends?

I’ve asked people this over the last few days and some of the answers I received have really hurt my heart. “My family doesn’t believe in depression”, “My Husband/Spouse/Boyfriend/Wife/Girlfriend tells me I need to just get over it”, “I am alone, I don’t have any friends”, “I don’t want my friends to think I am weak.”, “I don’t want my friends to reject me.”.

Personally, I have my own tiny little support system. I keep my few friends near and dear to my heart and the few family members that I do associate with have always supported my feelings and helped lift me up in the darkest times of my life. It hasn’t always been like that because before I finally accepted who I was and what I was feeling, I would keep it all bottled up. I was hiding behind my smile. Nobody knew what I was dealing with because I didn’t care to share.

I truly believe with my whole heart that the best way to heal and deal is by communicating with those you hold near and dear to your heart.

Some people that I am talking to are feeling completely worthless because the people they thought would be there for them have turned them away and said those dreaded words, “Just get over it. *Insert eyeroll here*

To those people that are quick to walk away, try listening instead. By the time your loved one or friend has come to you, they’re crying for help. This a cry of help for them to tell you they’re scared and lonely and they want you to stand beside them in their time of need. It is most definitely NOT to get attention. We already feel worthless enough, feeling worthless is why we’ve come to you in the first place. We don’t want attention, we want your time, love and care. We want to know that we have your support and your undivided attention for the period of time we’re talking. We just want you to hear us and listen to us try to ramble on and make sense of what we’re feeling. You may not understand, and that’s okay, but at least you took the time to listen. And that’s what matters. 

For the ones that are having problems with their loved ones and their friends, my advice to you is asking for their direct attention. No electronics, no technology, just one on one conversation with the people you want support from. If that is a no-go, then those friends are not what I would call a true friend. I call those friend with NO benefits. They’ve got NO love and NO time to give to you. There are thousands, and I’m sure millions, of understanding people in this world that would give their last breath to show you that you are worth something. To the people who are dealing more directly, like with a close family member or spouse/partner, talk to them. Ask them to hear you out. If they are not willing to do that and they are not supportive of you ask them to go to counseling with you.

I know this is so childish but I use to have a huge fear of expressing my emotions to my husband. Because of the actions in my previous relationships, I didn’t feel safe talking to anyone when I started trying to become more open with my emotions and expressing what I feel. So when I met my husband, in my mind, it was normal to keep these things to myself. I’m screaming to you guys IT’S NOT NORMAL!

Continuing what I started, (Sorry, I’m a scatterbrain) I use to have a huge fear of talking to my husband. He had never given me a reason to, but because of what I have gone through in the past I felt it was the same for everyone. I use to write him notes. I swear. I know that sounds childish but the only way I could express what I felt, was on paper. I still write everyday. But now I’m writing for a purpose. I use to tell him everything I felt, and he would always read them and write me back because he knew that I hated confrontation. Now, we talk openly about what goes on. Communication is key in our house. It’s not always perfect and we still have bad days, but communicating is what keeps the mind sound.

To everyone that feels alone, to everyone that doesn’t have anyone, I will be your someone. Nobody should fight this battle alone. I will stand by you. I will help you. I am not perfect, and I am just as lost as everyone else. But you guys have given me a purpose. You guys have made me realize that we are not alone. We can do such amazing things and bring such awareness to the people around us.

I am proud of you guys. I don’t care what you’ve done today, I don’t care if you barely made it out of bed. I’m proud of you.

Much Love

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The Elephant in the Room: Anxiety

Lets talk about it.

Anxiety. 

Depression and anxiety kind of go hand in hand. Which in some, if not most, cases create a very deadly environment for those who deal with this everyday. It’s crippling and debilitating.

But for those who don’t understand anxiety, it can be really hard for them to understand why we are, the way we are. They say things that hurt us and break us down and that’s truly not their intention at all. Things like: “Oh you’ll be fine, just calm down.” or my own personal trigger “You’ll get over it.”.

Okay, first off, thank you for letting me know that I’ll get over. But that’s most definitely not what I needed to hear. For the 3rd time today I am frantically trying to avoid this panic attack that your “you’ll get over it” just sent me into.

Now I know in my heart that it’s not their fault because they don’t understand. I get it. But it still makes me angry from time to time. Especially when I’m on the verge of breakdown number 3 for the day and it’s only 10 am.

For those that don’t understand, if you come across this post for some crazy reason, here are some ways that you can approach someone who has anxiety:

  • “You look like you’re struggling today, can I help with anything?”

Now most of the time, we’ll say no. But it calmed us down just enough to know that someone cared enough to ask.

  • “I don’t understand what you’re feeling and I’m sorry but just know that I’m proud of you.”

Can we scream to the Heavens about how GREAT it would feel to hear that from someone mid breakdown? Because I would love to know someone is proud of me sometimes.

A simple “I believe in you” will suffice.

All it takes is compassion for someone to feel appreciated. Really. I truly believe that this is where we are in the world now though. It’s so hard for people to show compassion because they’re stuck in a world where being emotional is ‘weak’. I can tell you right now that I am not weak. I am strong. I deal with more debilitating emotions in one day then you deal with in a lifetime and that doesn’t make me weak. It makes me strong.

Anxiety can come in a multitude of ways. Driving anxiety. Social anxiety. Introvert anxiety. So many more. Some have even developed anxiety because of their depression.

I’m here to tell you all, you’re not alone in this world. There are millions and thousands of people that deal with the same thing you do. None is worse than the other because we all feel the same kind of pain. I’m going to leave you with some things I’ve learned that help calm me down a bit:

  1. Read your favorite book.
  2. Listen to relaxing music. Nature sounds are my favorite.
  3. Take a walk. With NO electronics. Enjoy your surroundings.
  4. Drink a glass of wine!
  5. Go hide in the bathroom and take a few real nice deep breaths. (Eat a candy bar while you’re in there too, that’s what I do lol!)
  6.  REACH OUT. Talk about it. Get it off your chest.

I am here for anyone that needs to talk. I will reply to all messages as quickly as I can.

Most of all, know that I am proud of you. I believe in you. You are amazing. ❤